Who I Am
by EccentricCalico
Summary: Hiro has secretly been interested in being taken care of like a baby since he was little. But does that make him a freak? Warning: Abdl material. If you don't know what that is, look it up before reading. Cameos from other Disney characters.


pHiro isn't exactly sure where these feelings came from; They've been a part of him for as long as he can remember./p

p_/p

p /p

pOne of his earliest memories is of going to the store with his aunt Cass when he's about five years old. As they walk side by side, his tiny hand in hers, he turns his head to one side and sees the baby aisle. There are several shelves lined with packages of diapers, bottles, cuddly toys, and other such things intended for the youngest of children. He knows those things shouldn't interest him, that he's not a baby, but for whatever reason, he feels compelled to stare at the items until they are out of sight. /p

pAnd then a thought pops into his head: Did she notice? Worried, he looks up at his aunt. She seems to be focusing on her shopping list, mumbling something about needing light bulbs. He closes his eyes for a moment and silently thanks the heavens that she didn't see him looking./p

pAs the day goes on, Hiro's mind keeps wandering back to the baby aisle. He wants to stare at those things again, to touch them, to have them. But why? He's a big boy, and he should be proud of that. Right?/p

pHe lies in bed that night, trying to imagine what it might be like to wear a diaper and drink from a bottle. After a while, he starts to suck his thumb and falls asleep, dreaming of infancy./p

pFrom then on, whenever Aunt Cass takes him shopping with her, he always tries to steal a glance at the baby stuff. When he does, he feels a pleasant fluttery sensation in his stomach. But his happy feelings are then replaced with the same old questions he keeps asking himself: What would his aunt and brother think if they knew he wanted those things? Is there anyone else in the world who has these feelings? Is he a freak?/p

pWhenever a diaper commercial comes on television, Hiro blushes slightly, and tries to look uninterested. But on the inside, he thinks about how cute and comfortable they look, and about how much he wishes he could wear them. i'Why do you have to think these things?!'/i he asks himself. i'You're so gross.../i/p

pAs much as the idea of being little appeals to him, he hopes that eventually these desires will go away, that he'll wake up one day and be normal./p

pBut that never happens. In fact, as he grows older, his infantile urges intensify, leading him to daydream about being cared for./p

pHis first few fantasies revolve around Aunt Cass and his older brother Tadashi treating him as a baby. He imagines them playing with him, spoon feeding him, bathing him, rocking him to sleep at night and telling him that they love him. While he's daydreaming, there's a warmth in his heart, and he can't help but smile. But he feels horrible afterwards, as if he has defiled them somehow, and he finds it hard to look them in the eyes for a while./p

pEventually, he creates an imaginary mother and father to fantasize about. They're sweet, wholesome people, not unlike characters you'd find in a sitcom from the nineteen fifties. They never have to go to work, and they're never too busy to spend time with him. Whenever he has a bad day, all he has to do is picture his pretend mommy and daddy comforting him, and he feels a lot better./p

pEvery so often, he wonders what his real parents would have thought of him having these fantasies. Would they be hurt that he's thinking about being taken care of by a different mother and father? i'No,'/i he thinks to himself. i'They'd be disgusted that you want that sort of thing. They're probably rolling in their graves, outraged by the abhorrent excuse for a son they ended up with.'/i Despite the fact that he barely remembers them, he's sure that's how they would feel./p

p_/p

p /p

pIt's a warm Sunday afternoon when Hiro, now fourteen years old, is sent to the store by Aunt Cass to pick up a few things. She would have gone herself, but the cafe is keeping her busy, as it usually does on the weekends./p

pAs he walks through the aisles, crossing items off the list Aunt Cass gave him as he finds them, the baby stuff once again catches his eye./p

pi'You don't need those things,'/i he tells himself. i'You're a freakin' teenager!'/i/p

p But the pacifiers and toys just look so inviting. It's as if his little side is tugging on his sleeve, giving him the sad puppy eyes and begging to just have a look. /p

pHe sighs. i'Just for a moment.'/i/p

pEven though he's admired it from afar for nearly nine years, this is the first time he's actually allowed himself to truly explore the baby aisle. It's like jumping down the rabbit hole into Wonderland; There's a sense of euphoria in finally being able to brush his hand against the soft baby blankets, cuddly toys, and all the other things he craves so badly. It's practically intoxicating. His eyes sparkle, and without realizing it, a wide smile spreads across his face./p

pThe sound of a shopping cart approaching causes him to freeze with fright. There is now a mother with her two young children standing only a few inches away from him. They don't pay him much attention, but he still starts to sweat. i'They're not gonna think you're shopping for yourself. Relax!'/i But that doesn't stop his heart from beating faster. He just stands still for a minute or two before deciding to flee. He grabs a stuffed dog off the shelf, thinking it would look weird if he didn't at least pretend to pick something out, before quickly walking off to the other side of the store./p

pHe takes a moment to rest on a metal bench near the frozen food section. He looks at his shopping basket, and takes out the stuffed dog. He has no intention of actually buying it, but he does find it to be pretty cute. It has really soft cream colored fur with a few brown spots, as well as bright blue eyes. i'Just put it on the bench and leave it.'/i But he likes holding it. The toy looks up at him with it's comforting stitched on smile. It's almost like it's saying 'Everything's okay; I'm your friend, and I will never judge you.' Hiro strokes its face with his thumb. He gives in, and places it back in his shopping basket./p

pHe gets the rest of the stuff on Aunt Cass's list, then pays for everything (using some of his own money he earned from bot fighting to buy his plush toy)./p

pLater that night, Hiro gets in bed, sucks on his thumb, and hugs his puppy (who he's decided to call Patches) to his chest. It feels so good to have something to snuggle with as he dreams about his fantasy parents tucking him in./p

pBefore long, Patches becomes a bedtime necessity for Hiro. Sometimes when he's alone, he finds himself talking to the stuffed toy, and he shares all his secret thoughts with it. He even begins carrying Patches around in his backpack./p

pHiro knows that Tadashi might playfully tease him if he finds out about Patches, but Hiro will just point out that he has no room to talk; After all, Tadashi still sleeps with his baby blanket./p

pOf course, when Tadashi curls up with his blankie at night, he probably doesn't imagine being a little baby sleeping in a crib, wearing a diaper and being cuddled while he sucks on a pacifier. He doesn't long for something he can never have./p

p_/p

p /p

p

iThere is silence as Hiro stands before Aunt Cass and Tadashi in The Lucky Cat Cafe. He's done it. He's actually done it. Unable to keep his feelings in anymore, he's told two of the most important people in his life about the secret desires he's been harboring for so long. He holds his breath, waiting for them to respond./i

/p

p

iAunt Cass turns away from him. "Get out."/i

/p

p

i"W-What?" Hiro asks./i

/p

p

i"Didn't you hear me?! I said get out!"/i

/p

p

iHiro's eyes widen and his lower lip starts to tremble. "But...But..."/i

/p

p

iAunt Cass grabs Hiro by his wrist, pulls him towards the front door, and attempts to push him out, but he holds on to the door frame./i

/p

p

i"Tadashi!" Hiro cries, hoping his brother will come to his defense./i

/p

p

iTadashi looks at him. His expression is one of apathy./i

/p

p

i"Please, big brother, help me!"/i

/p

p

iTadashi begins to walk away. "You are NOT my brother," he says coldly./i

/p

p

iThose words are like a dagger through Hiro's heart. He lets go of the door frame, and Aunt Cass shoves him out. He falls on to the cold ground as rain pours down on him./i

/p

p_/p

p /p

pHiro's eyes snap open. He looks around and sees that he's in bed, and that it's the middle of the night. A feeling of relief washes over him as he realizes he was just having a nightmare./p

pBut as he lies there in the dark, he can't help but wonder if they really would react like that if he told them. Maybe they wouldn't be so cruel as to kick him out of the house, but they might think he's a pedophile, or send him to a psychologist who'll tell him that there's something wrong with him. i'Like I need a shrink to tell me something I already know...'/i/p

pA lump forms in his throat, and his eyes begins to water. He clutches his puppy to his chest, and lets out a few sobs./p

p"Hiro?"/p

pHe looks over at the other side of the room. Tadashi is awake now as well./p

p"I-I'm sorry, Tadashi; I didn't mean to wake you," Hiro says as he sits up and tries to wipe away his tears./p

pTadashi walks over and sits on the edge of Hiro's bed. "What's the matter?" he asks, concerned./p

pHiro looks down at his lap. "Bad dream," he whispers./p

p"Do you wanna talk about it?" Tadashi asks, putting a hand on Hiro's shoulder./p

pHiro hesitates for a moment before quietly speaking. "I...I told you and Aunt Cass something about myself th-that I was ashamed of, and you both hated me. Aunt C-Cass threw me out of the house, and you s-said...You said I wasn't your brother." Hiro dissolves into tears again./p

pTadashi envelops him in a tight hug. "Shh, shh, it's okay; It was just a dream. Aunt Cass and I would never do anything like that."/p

pHiro melts into his brother's embrace as he continues to sob. He buries his face in Tadashi's chest, wanting to hide from the world./p

pTadashi strokes Hiro's hair in an attempt to comfort him. "We love you no matter what, understand?"/p

pHiro nods weakly, but doubt remains in his mind. Would his brother still say that if he knew the truth?/p

p"That thing you told us about in the dream, what was it?"/p

p"I...I don't remember," Hiro fibs, looking up at the older boy./p

pHiro can tell by the look on Tadashi's face that he doesn't believe him. But Tadashi just sighs and rubs small circles on Hiro's back./p

pHiro eventually falls asleep in Tadashi's arms./p

p_/p

p /p

pWhen Hiro wakes up the next morning, he stares up at the ceiling for a good ten minutes before he can bring himself to get out of bed./p

pHe goes about the rest of the day faking smiles and trying to act normal while the memory of his nightmare refuses to leave him be. Tadashi and Aunt Cass occasionally ask him if he's okay, to which Hiro lies and says he's fine./p

pOnce he has some time to spend by himself, he stares out his bedroom window with a vacant look in his eyes. Outside is a world full of normal people. People who don't have the thoughts that Hiro has. He desperately wishes he were one of them./p

pHis gaze drifts to the computer. He's sometimes thought about searching the internet for an explanation for his feelings, but he's never dared to actually type it into the search bar./p

pHe takes a deep breath before sitting down in his desk chair, and bringing up his homepage. After thinking for a moment, he goes to Yahoo Answers. His palms sweat as he types out his question./p

p

b'I am fourteen years old, but I want to have baby things (bottles, diapers, toys, etc.) and to be taken care of. What's wrong with me? Can I be cured?'/b

/p

pHiro pauses for a minute before posting what he's written. He then shuts down the computer, and flops down on his bed. There is nothing left to do except wait./p

p_/p

p /p

pThe next day, Hiro nervously checks to see if anyone has replied to his post. To his surprise, someone has responded with but a single word./p

p

bFreak./b

/p

pTime stands still for a moment. It's as if the letters on the screen are glaring at him. He lowers his head and lets a tear roll down his cheek. i'What are you crying for? You've always thought this about yourself, so why should you be upset that somebody agrees with you?'/i But he cries anyway./p

pHe closes the page, then gets in bed. He covers himself with a blanket, and imagines his pretend mother holding him while he cries. He allows the fantasy version of himself to sob a lot harder than he permits himself to in real life. He curls into a ball, and closes his eyes, wanting to escape into the world of sleep./p

p_/p

p /p

pOver the next couple of weeks, Hiro checks the replies to his post daily. Every time he looks, there are new comments that say things like 'Were you molested as a kid or something?' 'You're seriously messed up in the head!' and 'Here's a cure for you: Go kill yourself.'/p

pHe's not sure why he keeps reading them; All they do is reaffirm the fear he's had since he was a small child: That these feelings are wrong. Every awful thing he's ever thought about himself is true./p

pAs he sits on his bed, he spots Patches resting on his pillow. He picks up the toy and slowly strokes its fur, trying to find comfort in its softness./p

p

i'You're so pathetic. A stupid toy's not gonna make you feel better. It can't hug you or tell you everything's gonna be okay. It's not real! Your mommy and daddy aren't real either. No matter how much you fantasize about them, they can never actually hold you or kiss you goodnight! You want to be little so badly, but that will never happen! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GROW THE FUCK UP?!/i

/p

pIn a moment of anger with himself, he throws Patches against the wall with great force. The toy then falls to the floor with a soft, almost inaudible thump./p

pHiro's body shakes slightly as he breathes deeply. It's as if all sound has been sucked out of the world. After a minute, he looks at Patches lying there on the floor, and his anger is replaced by guilt. He walks over to the stuffed puppy, and drops down to his knees. He gently picks Patches up and looks into the plush's bright blue eyes. He hugs Patches tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispers shakily. "I'm sorry..."/p

p_/p

p /p

pThe computer screen provides to only light in the room at the moment. Hiro's eyes are starting to hurt after several hours of looking at the plethora of hurtful responses to his post on Yahoo Answers. Each one cuts deeper than the last./p

p

bYou must have some major mommy issues, lol!/b

/p

p

bGo jump off a bridge, weirdo!/b

/p

p

bPeople like you should be euthanized./b

/p

p

bYou are cancer./b

/p

pBut then, amidst all the malicious comments, he spots something different. He rubs his eyes, then looks again to make sure he's not just imagining things./p

p

bThere is nothing wrong with you. Don't listen to what all these other people are saying. I've had feelings similar to yours since I was very young. There are actually a lot of people like you and me. If you want to talk about it, please message me./b

/p

pThe user, who calls themselves SummerSnowflake, then puts their email address at the end of their response./p

pHiro's mouth hangs open for a moment. Can it be true? Is he really not alone in the world?/p

p

i'Don't get your hopes up; This person might just be trying to trick you'./i

/p

pHowever, he still sends the user an email./p

p

bUm, hi. It's H_Hamada from Yahoo Answers. You said there are other people like me?/b

/p

pThe next day, SummerSnowflake replies./p

p

bHello. :) I'm glad you decided to message me. And, yes, there are plenty of people like you out there. Have you ever heard the term adult baby?/b

/p

p

bNo, I haven't./b

/p

p

bWell, that's what people usually call us. Although, since you're so young, I guess the correct term would be teen baby. I can send you the link to a site if you'd like./b

/p

pAt first, Hiro isn't sure if he really wants to see whatever it is that SummerSnowflake is talking about. What if they're a member of some kind of pedophile cult or something? But he knows that if he doesn't find out, he'll spend the rest of his days wondering if he should have taken the offer./p

p

bSure./b

/p

pHe receives the link within an hour of replying. It takes him several minutes to work up the courage to click it, and when he finally does, he still shuts his eyes as if he's anticipating an extreme amount of pain to course through his body./p

pWhen he reluctantly opens his eyes, the sight that greets him is the homepage of a website that looks a lot more professional than he'd been expecting. the background is a cartoonish looking blue sky with fluffy, white clouds. The name of the site, Ageplay Heaven, is displayed at the top of the page in bold, colorful letters. As he scrolls down, he sees multiple photographs of grown men and women dressed as babies and toddlers. A few people have built adult sized nurseries complete with cribs, changing tables, highchairs, and so much more. Some of them even have partners who act as their mommies or daddies./p

pAfter a while, he finds the forums where people have shared their own experiences with wanting to be little. It's truly astonishing just how many people have had thoughts and desires like his own./p

pTears begin to fall down Hiro's face. But this time, they are tears of joy. In this moment, the sun seems to shine a bit brighter, colors appear more vibrant, and there's a newly found feeling of lightness in his body. i'I'm not alone...'/i/p

p He quickly sends SummerSnowflake another email./p

p bMy God, this is amazing! I don't know what to say except thank you. For so long, I was certain I was the only one like this. I thought I was crazy or something./b/p

p bYou're welcome. I know exactly how you must've felt; I've been this way since I was a little girl, and I always thought I was some sort of freak. But, I've come to realize that it's part of who I am, and I think embracing that has made me a better person. I think you should as well./b/p

p bReally?/b/p

p bAbsolutely! I think you'll be a lot happier for it. And if you ever start to think bad things about yourself, just remember what I said: There is nothing wrong with you./b/p

p For the first time in months, Hiro feels a warmth in his heart. It's like he's finally been given permission to be completely himself./p

p bI'll do it. :)/b/p

p_/p

pHiro inhales deeply as he mentally prepares himself for what he's about to do. i'Here goes nothing.'/i/p

p He walks into the supermarket, trying to look as casual as possible. He doesn't come to this particular store very often, so it's unlikely that anyone will recognize him. Regardless, he's still tucked the majority of his messy, black hair underneath a wool cap./p

p He does his best to avoid eye contact with the other customers as he looks for the baby aisle. Once he finds it, he wastes no time in picking stuff out. Soon, his shopping basket is filled to the brim with pacifiers, bottles, blankets and toys. He grins. He's actually going to be able to play as a baby boy. If he didn't think people would stare at him, he would be jumping up and down in excitement./p

p Now there's just one more thing he needs: Diapers./p

p Hiro's legs tremble slightly as he makes his way to the incontinence aisle. For a few minutes, he examines the various packages that line the shelves. He wasn't expecting there to be so many different types of diapers to choose from. He wonders which kind he should get./p

p "Need some help?"/p

p Hiro jumps in surprise before turning around to see a friendly-looking female employee with bright red hair. Her name tag has 'Ariel' written on it in black marker./p

p "Oh, sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to startle you."/p

p "I-It's okay," Hiro responds, blushing./p

p She smiles at him sweetly. "Is there anything I can help you with?"/p

p "N-No, thanks," he says, fidgeting a little./p

p "If you're sure." /p

p Ariel turns to walk away. But after a moment, Hiro changes his mind, and before he can stop himself, he calls her back. "Um, on second thought, c-could you answer a question I have?"/p

p"Sure. Whatcha need?"/p

p "D-Do you know if you have anything plastic-backed in stock?"/p

p She looks a tad surprised at that request, but she still smiles at him. "I believe so." She quickly scans the shelves before pointing out a couple of specific packages. "These have re-sealable tabs," she says, indicating a blue bag. She then picks up a mint green one. "And these here are extra thick and absorbent."/p

p Hiro nods as his cheeks turn a shade of red similar to that of Ariel's hair./p

p She gives him a sympathetic look. "There's no need to be embarrassed; You can't help it if you need a little protection."/p

p "R-Right," Hiro replies, rubbing the back of his neck. i'Need. Diapers are for people who NEED them. You don't need them. If this girl knew you were buying them because you want to wear them for fun, she'd find you repulsive!'/i/p

p But then SummerSnowflakes words echo in his mind: i'There is nothing wrong with you'./i He nods to himself. iThere is nothing wrong with me./i/p

p Hiro ends up choosing the extra absorbent ones, and then, after getting some baby powder, he swiftly proceeds to the check out counter. By the time the cashier hands him his receipt, his heart is beating so fast it feels like it's about to burst right out of his chest./p

p Once he's outside the store, he hides his purchases in his backpack before heading home on his bike./p

p_/p

pUpon arriving home, Hiro walks towards the stairs, intending to go straight to his bedroom. However, before can escape to the third floor, he's greeted by Aunt Cass./p

p "Hey, sweetie," she says with a smile. Her expression then changes to one of confusion. "Uh, what's with the hat?"/p

p It takes Hiro a moment to remember that he's still wearing the wool cap. "Oh, uh, I was just a little cold; That's all."/p

p "But it's ninety degrees outside."/p

pHiro laughs nervously. "Well, i-it doesn't feel all that warm to me."/p

p Cass starts to say something else, but she's interrupted when a customer calls her over. "Talk to you later, okay sweetie?"/p

p Hiro nods politely./p

p As soon as Aunt Cass goes to see what the customer wants, Hiro makes a dash for his bedroom. He closes the door, then breathes a sigh of relief./p

p Thankfully, Tadashi is out at the moment, giving Hiro the opportunity to hide his stuff under his bed where he hopes they won't be discovered. /p

p He pulls the wool cap off, a few strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, and then lies on his bed. /p

p His fingers tingle, wanting to touch his new things. i'No; Not yet. Wait until you know you'll have a decent amount of time to play.'/i That might not be for a while, but that's okay. Hiro can wait for months upon months if necessary; Just knowing that he has diapers to wear and toys to play with is enough to make him happy. /p

p After a while, he emails SummerSnowflake./p

p bI bought some baby stuff today./b/p

p bThat's great! :)/b/p

p bI've got it all hidden right now./b/p

p bSo I take it your family doesn't know about you being little?/b/p

p bThey have no idea. How about yours?/b/p

p bI told them when I was sixteen./b/p

p bHow did they react?/b/p

p bWell, my sister accepts me, but my parents find it weird. They seem to think it's their fault I turned out this way./b/p

p bOh. Sorry to hear that./b/p

p bDon't be. Like I said, my sister loves and accepts me for who I am, and that's all that matters to me./b/p

p bYou're lucky to have someone like that in your life./b/p

p b^_^ She's the best. So, do you think you'll ever tell your family?/b/p

p Hiro looks down at his hands for a minute before responding./p

p bNo. I'm too afraid of what they might think of me. I don't think they'd understand./b/p

p bWell, I think that if they truly love you, they'll make an effort to understand./b/p

p bI don't know. I still don't want to tell them. Better to never know how they feel about it then to find out they want nothing to do with me because of it./b/p

p_/p

pSeveral uneventful weeks pass by as Hiro waits for a day where he can have enough time alone to be little. /p

p He lies on his stomach, staring down at the game console in his hands. He wears a bored expression on his face as he speeds through level after level, beating enemies with ease./p

p He then glances over at the clock and sees that it's nearly six pm. Odd; Tadashi would usually be home by now./p

p He saves his game before getting off the bed and walking downstairs to the kitchen. Aunt Cass's cooking fills the air with a mouthwatering aroma./p

p As the brunette woman stirs the marinara sauce currently bubbling in the large metal pot, she looks up at him and beams. "Hi, sweetheart," she says cheerfully./p

p "Hey," Hiro replies, taking a seat at the dinner table. "Any idea what's taking Tadashi so long?"/p

p "Oh, he called earlier and said he was staying over at a friend's place tonight."/p

p "Really?" Hiro tries not to sound excited like he actually is./p

p "Yep; It's just you and me tonight. Guess that means more lasagna for us," she says in a playful manner./p

p "Sounds great." Hiro smiles to himself. This is going to be the best night ever./p

p_/p

pAfter dinner, Hiro tells Aunt Cass that he's going to bed early. But that's not his real plan./p

p Once the bedroom door is closed, he gets his stuff out from under the bed. He grins as he begins to open the pack of diapers. He takes one out, his hand shaking slightly. He hasn't felt this excited about something in a long time./p

p He removes his shorts and underwear, and then lies down on his bed. He takes a moment to feel how thick the diaper is, lightly squeezing the smooth plastic exterior between his fingers. He slowly unfolds it. The crinkling sound it makes gives him goosebumps all over his arms. He lifts his hips, then places the diaper underneath him. He picks up the bottle of baby powder next to him and unscrews the cap. He takes in its soothing scent before sprinkling some of it on his inner thighs. Finally, he pulls up the front of the diaper, and fastens it securely around his waist. It feels like Heaven./p

p At first, he simply lies still, savoring the feeling of the softness that envelops him. After a few minutes, he sits up. He finds that he can't quite bring his thighs together due to how thick the diaper is, but he doesn't mind; It just makes him feel all the more babyish./p

p He puts a pacifier in his mouth, then hugs Patches to his chest. He sighs happily and feels the years melt away as his little side takes over. /p

p With a spring in his step, he goes over to his closet and gathers up some of his old toys. He builds a replica of the New York City skyline with Legos, then proceeds to have some toy dinosaurs attack it. Soon, the dinosaurs are confronted by Hiro's Avengers action figures, and an epic battle ensues. /p

p The grin on his face simply can not be contained. The only thing that could possibly make this night any better would be if he had a mommy or daddy to play with him./p

p As the night goes on, Hiro plays to his heart's content, doing everything from creating stories with his action figures to simply drawing with crayons. Even when his eyelids start to grow heavy, he doesn't take a break from the fun he's having. He wishes this night could go on forever./p

p_/p

pHiro never intended to fall asleep on his bedroom floor, and he has no recollection of doing so, but it happened anyway. He's curled up next to his Legos, his arms wrapped around Patches. His pacifier falls out of his mouth as he yawns. He then feels someone nudging him./p

p "Hiro?"/p

p Hiro moans grumpily. "Five more minutes, Tadashi."/p

p Tadashi. Hiro sits bolt upright when the realization hits him. His brother is looking down at him with a perplexed look on his face. Hiro looks back at him, his eyes wide and his skin clammy. He opens his mouth, but he can't seem to make any sound, almost as if the words he's trying to say are afraid to come out. /p

p "Hiro, why are you-?"/p

pTadashi dosen't get a chance to finish his question before Hiro leaps to his feet and bolts out of the room, still holding his stuffed puppy./p

p "Wait!" /p

p Hiro can barely hear his brother calling after him due to how loud the sound of his heart pounding in his ears is. He scurries into the third floor bathroom and locks the door. He struggles to breathe properly as he leans against the wall. /p

p Tadashi knocks on the door. "Hiro, come out! I just want to talk to you!"/p

pHiro crumples to the floor, his body trembling. He covers his ears with his hands. "Leave me alone!" he shouts. His voice is shaky, and tears have already begun to spill from his eyes. /p

p "But, Hiro-."/p

p "What's going on here?" Aunt Cass asks, concerned and confused./p

p Hiro holds back a scream. And here he thought things couldn't possibly get any worse. He then hears Tadashi explaining everything to her in a hushed voice. The older boy tells his aunt to let him handle this, to which she seems to agree, albeit reluctantly. Footsteps are heard as she goes back downstairs./p

p "Hiro, please come out."/p

p "Go away!"/p

p "Please just listen to me."/p

p "Why should I?! I already know what you're gonna say: I'm a disgusting, perverted freak! I need serious psychological evaluation! I should just off myself so you don't have to live with the shame of having me for a brother!" Hiro buries his face in his hands in an effort to muffle the sobs that, for the next minute, provide the only sound to be heard./p

p "...Hiro, do you really believe I'd say anything like that?" Tadashi finally asks. His voice is kind, but he also sounds a little hurt./p

p "...I...I don't know. But that's what I'm afraid you'll say..."/p

p "Listen: There is inothing/i you could ever do that would make me think that way about you."/p

p Hiro sniffles a little. "You mean it?"/p

p "Of course I mean it; I love you, bonehead."/p

p The use of that nickname brings a tiny smile to Hiro's face./p

p"I'll always love you. Now, can you please talk to me about this?"/p

p Hiro bites his lip. "I'm scared you won't understand."/p

p "Then explain it to me."/p

p Hiro looks into Patches' eyes. It's almost like the plush is giving him a comforting look and telling him 'It's alright; I'm here for you.' He takes a deep breath. "C-Can you give me a minute?"/p

p "Sure. I'll be in our bedroom. Just come out when you're ready." Tadashi then walks away./p

p Hiro hugs his knees to his chest. He's still unsure of how Tadashi will react to learning his little brother likes to pretend to be a baby. Sure, he might not be disgusted by it, but what if he can't look at Hiro the same way after this? Eventually, Hiro slowly stands up, his limbs quivering. He wraps a towel around his waist before finally unlocking the door and walking out of the bathroom./p

p When he enters the bedroom, he sees Tadashi sitting on his bed and looking at Hiro's Lego skyline. "New York?"/p

p Hiro nods shyly./p

p "Impressive," Tadashi replies, offering him a warm smile./p

p Hiro tries to avoid locking eyes with him, standing still as he holds one of his arms at the elbow./p

p Tadashi pats the space on the bed next to him. "Have a seat."/p

p Hiro sits down, blushing and cringing at the noise his diaper makes as he moves. It seems so much louder now that there's another person in the room with him. Tadashi thankfully doesn't seem to pay it much mind./p

p "So, why the pacifier and everything?" Tadashi asks gently./p

p Hiro stares down at his lap as he considers how best to answer that. "Um...Have you ever heard of ageplay?"/p

p "Can't say that I have."/p

p "Well, uh, it's where people pretend to be a different age than they actually are. And for some people, people like me, that involves..." He trails off, his cheeks burning red./p

p "Wearing diapers and acting like a baby?" Tadashi asks softly./p

p Hiro nods, still not looking at the older boy. "It..." He struggles to find the right words. Suddenly, he feels Tadashi's hand on his shoulder. He looks up at his big brother and sees nothing but love and compassion in his eyes./p

p "I'm listening."/p

p Hiro feels himself relax a bit more. "I like babyish things; I always have. There's just something about being little that makes me feel safe and comfortable. I used to think I was a freak for liking that kind of thing..."/p

p "Is this what you told us about in that dream you had a few weeks ago?"/p

p "Yeah," Hiro murmurs. "I know it's weird-."/p

p "No, it's not."/p

p "Really?"/p

p "Mm hmm." Tadashi puts his arm around the younger boy. "In fact, I can actually relate to what you're talking about."/p

p Hiro raises an eyebrow at this. "Are you just saying that to make me feel better?"/p

p "No," Tadashi says, gently squeezing Hiro's shoulder to reassure him. "I mean it."/p

p "So, this won't change the way you think of me?" Hiro asks nervously./p

p "Absolutely not," Tadashi replies. "You're still the same knucklehead I know and love," he adds as he ruffles Hiro's hair./p

p Hiro laughs and shoves his brother's hand away./p

p "Of course, you realize this means you can't make fun of me for having a blankie anymore, right?" Tadashi asks playfully./p

p "I know," Hiro says, smiling. It's then that something occurs to him: "Do I have to tell Aunt Cass?"/p

p "Well, I guess you don't ihave/i to tell her, but wouldn't it feel good to get it off your chest?"/p

p Hiro strokes Patches's fur as he considers this./p

p "She'll still love you; I'm sure of it," Tadashi says./p

p Hiro wants to be sure of that as well. "Can you be there with me when I tell her?" he asks after a minute./p

p Tadashi rubs Hiro's arm in a soothing manner. "Sure thing, little bro."/p

p_/p

pLater that evening, Hiro and Tadashi sit at the kitchen table and wait until Aunt Cass closes up the cafe for the night and comes upstairs./p

p "Hey, you two," she says softly. "Is everything okay now?"/p

p "Yeah, everything's fine," Tadashi says, smiling at her. "Although, there is one thing Hiro would like to talk to you about." He gently pats Hiro on the shoulder./p

p "Um, right," Hiro mumbles./p

p Aunt Cass joins the boys at the table. "What is it, sweetie?" /p

p Hiro runs a hand through his hair and looks away from her. "Well, th-the thing is-." He takes a moment to clear his throat, which feels really dry all of the sudden. "I..."/p

p Aunt Cass looks at him expectantly./p

p Hiro shuts his eyes. "I can't do this," he whispers./p

p "Hey, it's okay," Tadashi says quietly. "It's gonna be alright."/p

p Aunt Cass puts her hand on Hiro's. "Hiro, whatever it is, you can tell me; I promise I won't get mad."/p

p Hiro glances up at her for a moment before turning to Tadashi, who gives him a comforting smile and mouths the words 'Go on.'/p

p Hiro takes a deep breath before speaking again. "I...I like pretending to be a baby."/p

p For a mere second, she looks confused, but then, to Hiro's surprise, she pulls him into a hug and begins rubbing his back. He once again looks over at Tadashi, who only shrugs in response, looking just as surprised as he is./p

p"Uh, Aunt Cass, don't you find it weird that I, um, you know?" Hiro asks./p

pWhen she pulls away, Aunt Cass cups Hiro's cheek with her hand and looks into his eyes, a warm smile on her face. "Sweetie, it's fine. I understand."/p

p "You do?"/p

pShe nods. /p

pHiro bows his head. "It's just...Remember that nightmare I had a while back?"/p

p "Yes," she says, her smile fading./p

p "Well, when I told you about this in the dream, you..." He once again closes his eyes as the painful memory of that nightmare takes over his mind. "You threw me out of the house. You hated me because of it..."/p

p Her eyes widen and her lips part slightly. "Oh, honey," she whispers before hugging him tighter than before. "Hiro, I would never, ever do anything like that to you. You're my nephew, and I love you. I'll always love you."/p

p "Promise?" Hiro asks, leaning into her embrace./p

p "Cross my heart," she replies softly. She presses a gentle kiss to the top of his head./p

p A smile slowly forms on Hiro's face as he wraps him arms around his aunt. /p

p Tadashi leans over to Hiro. "Told you," he whispers in his ear, grinning./p

p_/p

pIt's almost one am when Tadashi decides to call it a night. He yawns as he makes his way upstairs to his and Hiro's shared bedroom, his eyelids growing heavier with every passing second./p

p The first thing he does is check on Hiro, who has already fallen asleep. the younger boy is curled up under the covers and has his pacifier in his mouth. Tadashi then hears him whimpering a little. He looks down and sees that Hiro's stuffed puppy has fallen off of the bed. He picks it up and places it next to Hiro, who then hugs it tightly and sighs contentedly./p

p Tadashi chuckles lightly and gives him a goodnight kiss on the cheek. "Sweet dreams, little guy."/p

p Once he has his pajamas on, Tadashi gets into bed and takes his baby blanket out from under his pillow. He rubs it against the side of his face like he does every night, relaxed by the familiar feeling of the soft fleece and satin trim./p

p He snuggles into the pillow and closes his eyes. He begins to think about how peaceful his little brother looked with his pacifier. Out of curiosity, he slips his thumb into his mouth and starts to suckle. He smiles as he drifts off to sleep. /p

pHiro might not be the only Hamada with a little side./p


End file.
